One day in particular stands out. It must have been a Monday because I was praying the Joyful Mysteries.
This one evening the focus of my meditation became my parenting, and the goals I have as a mother. The first mystery is The Annunciation. The joy and trepidation of learning that I am going to be a mother, for the first time, or again, and again....that is always such a wonderful and terrible and exciting moment. As I meditated on Mary's "fiat" I thought about, just as she had small idea of all the suffering and joy that was to come, I too have little idea of the lives that my children will bring me along on and a passenger as I watch and experience their choices from the sidelines.
The second mystery in the Visitation, when Mary rushes off to help Elizabeth, who is pregnant in her old age. I reflected on how many deep and spiritual friendships I have with beautiful women of faith as a result of the children I have. Library story time, Mom prayer groups, La Leche League--so many venues particular to mothers that have blessed me immensely. We cannot mother in a vacuum, and the womanly friendships I have are essential to my growth in holiness and parenting.
The Nativity--such a profound mystery at any time of year, but especially now as we prepare to immerse ourselves liturgically in the "Word Made Flesh." This mystery reminds me of the commingled and reflective relationship we have with the infant King. I see the reflection of my deep love for my own babies, and have deep love for God welling up in me as I gaze upon the helpless babe in the manger. But I am also reminded that God Himself loves me even more deeply and unconditionally. To think and meditate on my own belovedness gives me the strength to turn again to the world, to my family especially, with the love that can only come from this deep knowledge of my own dignity and worth--and indeed every one's on earth!
When Mary Catherine was born in New Mexico part of her Baptism ceremony was to lay her on the alter and dedicate her though pray to Jesus and Mary. That brief physical separation--stepping back and looking upon my own baby on the alter--burned in my heart the reality of she and I both being at the mercy of God. I can do nothing without first offering everything to God. Knowing that He is there guiding and strengthening me in my mothering. It's not all roses, but with prayer I can persevere in offering myself and my children, repeatedly, to Our Lord.
Any parent who has temporarily, or permanently lost a child knows what Mary and Joseph felt as they searched for their boy. The Finding of Jesus in the temple reminds me not only of the joy of once again hugging the lost child, but also of the need for me to find the child Jesus every day of my life. And this seeking and finding I prayerfully pass on to my own children. The childhood faith is so easy to nurture. They are genuinely seeking and finding Jesus every day. But as they grow I know they will have to make their own adult decision to find and follow Christ. All I can hope to do is to be an example, offer other examples of faith in the people we spend time with, and pray pray pray!
