I am goal oriented. I like to have a plan, implement the plan, and have the satisfaction of checking things off my to do list. This applies to that which I actually have control over, and that which I don't. Like the birthday of my baby. Nope, no control over that one. But with every baby I had a plan! I remember clearly with my first baby the plan involved finishing my senior paper before baby came. Since she was 3 weeks early, that didn't happen, and I learned how to nurse and type at the same time pretty quickly.
Every other baby came either according to plan, or before the plan could take action. This baby is different. Here I am 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I have had 4 or 5 plans that have not happened. I keep making new plans. I keep being pregnant. HMMMMMMMmmmmmm. Someone is trying to drive home the fact that I am not actually in control. Again and again--I am not in control.
One happy thought is that I HAD wanted an October baby. With August quickly coming to a close, this baby will be born as close to October as possible! Maybe even September! Will wonders never cease?
We, baby and I, are both happy and healthy, so I'm not complaining.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Focused Distraction
More or less hot humid days surround us. Being on the coast of Maine, I don't feel like complaining too much. Maryland in August is much more intense than this after all. But still, one can get a bit melty, whether you are 38 and 5 days pregnant or not.
The normal every day, calm routine is nice to revel in. We have a big dry erase chore schedule up that I am implementing now in hopes that the week or two that I'm not overseeing housework will not end in disaster.
What I love about being this pregnant is that everything I get done feels so special. Will this be my last floor mopping before baby? It will certainly be the last time I change the filter in the coffeemaker!
Last shopping trip? It's all so special and happy and so much fun! The children are also very eager to have the special day begin, though the younger ones don't really get the immediacy. I guess Mom has been pregnant for SO LONG when you are only 2, or 5. It's just normal
So I muddle through the normal stuff, trying to fight the distraction by being as driven as I can. I may not get tot the living room curtains though. Somehow it's too hot to sew. This doesn’t make as much sense as “it’s too hot to cook,” but I stand by my statement. It's too hot to sew.
Something tells me I've been here before.
The normal every day, calm routine is nice to revel in. We have a big dry erase chore schedule up that I am implementing now in hopes that the week or two that I'm not overseeing housework will not end in disaster.
What I love about being this pregnant is that everything I get done feels so special. Will this be my last floor mopping before baby? It will certainly be the last time I change the filter in the coffeemaker!
Last shopping trip? It's all so special and happy and so much fun! The children are also very eager to have the special day begin, though the younger ones don't really get the immediacy. I guess Mom has been pregnant for SO LONG when you are only 2, or 5. It's just normal
So I muddle through the normal stuff, trying to fight the distraction by being as driven as I can. I may not get tot the living room curtains though. Somehow it's too hot to sew. This doesn’t make as much sense as “it’s too hot to cook,” but I stand by my statement. It's too hot to sew.
Something tells me I've been here before.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
It's Been a While
The last time I posted was a few days after Shannon died. This is no coincidence. It is so hard for me to fathom that almost 5 months have gone by since my world was rocked by Shannon's sudden death. And now here I am, about to give birth, happy, ripe, and thoughtfully aware of the great blessing that life is.
This is an obvious time for me to meditate on the mystery of our lives unfolding in time. Whether one is pregnant or not, every day hold the mystery of what will come, how it will change you and those around you, how you will respond to the situations that you must face. In my searching and examining these things I am most sensitive to my real live as opposed to my virtual life.
I admit it--I am a facebook junkie! But really, I just spend a few minutes here and there on it. [there's an exercise--spend a day keeping track of what "a few minutes here and there" actually adds up to] Anyway--time spent with real live people and doing real life things is more valuable to everyone involved than time on facebook. But then there is writing--which for me includes this long neglected blog. I have no idea how to save all of this writing I have dome over the past 5+ years, and no idea what value it will every be to anyone other than myself. But I do know that time spent in reflection, and the processing that I do when writing about my life and experience is helpful to me as a fully alive person.
So in the interest of self care, here I am on the blog again! I am 38 week and 2 days--a week out from being as pregnant as I have ever been (Arveragus was born at 39 and 2). All is contentment, and every day I'm still pregnant feels like a gift that Our Lord is giving to me.
This is an obvious time for me to meditate on the mystery of our lives unfolding in time. Whether one is pregnant or not, every day hold the mystery of what will come, how it will change you and those around you, how you will respond to the situations that you must face. In my searching and examining these things I am most sensitive to my real live as opposed to my virtual life.
I admit it--I am a facebook junkie! But really, I just spend a few minutes here and there on it. [there's an exercise--spend a day keeping track of what "a few minutes here and there" actually adds up to] Anyway--time spent with real live people and doing real life things is more valuable to everyone involved than time on facebook. But then there is writing--which for me includes this long neglected blog. I have no idea how to save all of this writing I have dome over the past 5+ years, and no idea what value it will every be to anyone other than myself. But I do know that time spent in reflection, and the processing that I do when writing about my life and experience is helpful to me as a fully alive person.
So in the interest of self care, here I am on the blog again! I am 38 week and 2 days--a week out from being as pregnant as I have ever been (Arveragus was born at 39 and 2). All is contentment, and every day I'm still pregnant feels like a gift that Our Lord is giving to me.
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