Sacrifice

Just in case you were wondering, when you give up "desserts" for lent, taking of spoonful of the chocolate cream pie in the freezer at random moments does not count, because you're not having dessert, just a bite. See?

N.East Lenten Update...

Hello there readers of Westward Wagons Ho,
It's me, Sondra checking in from Maine. I hadn't had a chance to catch up with the blog (or the Eddyblouins) for a few days, but was very moved by Allison's Lenten reflections.... I LOVE Lent! It' s the time of year that I remember being a big part of why I fell in love with the Catholic faith. The singing of the stations of the cross every Friday, and communal soup and bread afterwards was so intimate and familial at the same time, that I couldn't help getting sucked in. It was like having a new friend drag you home to their crazy family, who made you feel so welcomed and" part of", that you just wanted them to adopt you! So, here I am, another Jesus loving, Eucharist adoring, ash wearing, Easter anticipating Catholic.
Our family traditionally gives up t.v. for Lent. I made a purple cloth with a cross on it a few years ago, that covers the television for six weeks (except for Sunday). I love that cloth. The first year we had it was really hard. Painfully hard. Chip and I hardly knew what to talk about at night, in the silence. I cheated a lot, and snuck t.v., hoping God wouldn't be paying too much attention. By Easter, we had come to enjoy our time without our shows to some degree, and were afraid almost to take the cloth off, for fear that we would slip back into network quicksand. But, take it off we did, without another thought until the next year. We debated a little over weather or not we should try it again, and finally relented. There was a lot of cheating again on my part, and craming in t.v. time on Sunday though. But, I realized, that we both got bored and willing enough to step out our comfort zones with only each other to talk to, that we started to become more and more social, and reached out to our community and friends. Friday night soup and stations came to be one of the bright spots of our whole liturgical year! So, this year, the 5th without t.v. for us, I was so happy to dig the "lent cloth" out, and reconnect with the human family again. I also put a purple cloth over the computer screen, to remind us not to substitute recreational computer time . I sell stuff on ebay, so I have to check listings etc., but I'm struggling not to look at dolls for sale too much (almost better than t.v.!!!) Oh well, God's grace is BIG BIG BIG, which is a good thing for me! Happy lent everyone!

Ashes to Ashes

Today is Ash Wednesday. We went to the noon Mass, which begins with the distribution of the ashes. "Remember you are ashes and to ashes you shall return." the priest says as he traces a black cross on my forehead. The readings and psalms are about sorrow for sin, repentance, and forgiveness.

Every year I, ever filled with my mother’s heart, am struck by the stark image of sweet, rosy-cheeked, roly-poly babies and toddlers with the black smudge. Really? Will the tender, rotund baby flesh become ashes? Hard for me to believe, and yet there it is. We are all ashes, even those babies that I love.

I think the meta-sin that we are repenting for on Ash Wednesday is that of forgetting that we are mortal. Both in our easy sense of independence from the need for God, and in our forgetting how miraculous it is that we are here at all. When I am most aware of the possibility of death, I am also keenly sensitive to the beauty of my family, friends, and the world around me.

So I gave my babies extra kisses tonight, on the rosy cheeks that will someday turn to dust. Dark meditations--but hey--it is Ash Wednesday after all.

Mama Mediatations

Today is Fat Tuesday. We had pancakes and chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. We had icecream out of the boxes and tubs for lunch with the cookie dough that never got cooked. Today I'm cleaning the kitchen. I am also trying to pray and think about what my focus for lent will be. How to grow in holiness? How to I get closer to Christ.

I lugged out my bucket of baking soda to tackle the oven cleaning job. As I was opening the bucket I realized that I'd used this baking soda three times already today. Pancakes, cookies, and cleaning. What a wonderful substance! As I was scrubbing away at the oven racks when I started to think about my pre-lent questions.

The simple humilty of baking soda struck me as a good tool for meditation. Useful, willing to work at whatever task it's put to. I need to be more like baking soda. If I'm baking soda, then God is the scrubber--using me to bring shiny clean love into the world. But maybe the baking soda is love itself--the holy spirit--then I would be the dirty rack--being scrubbed clean and made more truly what God wants me to be. If the baking soda is baking soda, and God is setting tasks for me to do with love, then I must be. . . ME! Happy to be cleaning and loving for this family.

In the end I didn't feel these thoughts were all that fruitful. Then it was;maybe I should just try to repeat today's exercise in meditative cleaning as a lenten observance.

Mass Agility Competition

First event: Find the pacifier. From a kneeling position, while hoding a wiggling baby, twist and turn in all directions to locate the hidden sus.

Second event: Personal space limbo. Only mothers can compete. Try to maitain a sence of dignity and prayful participation in Mass while keeping five children from invading you space. Acceptable invasion techniques include, but are not limited to, pulling up Mom's sweater, pulling Mom's hair, playing with the baby in Mom's lap, pulling on Mom's skirt, trying to pick Mom's nose.

Third thrilling event and the pinicle of the day: Mass lap-relay. Stage 1:Dad takes fussy 3 year old to cry room. 2: Mom takes baby to cry room, tagging Dad , which allows him to return to the pew (which is at the very front in order to help other participants to more easily observe all of these events). Stage 3: Mom returns to pew with 2 children, hopeful that the family can say the "Our Father" and exchange peace together. 4: Mom leaves pew with baby, followed by Dad with 3 year old, only to realize half way to the cry room that it's time for communion, and they are first in line. Final sprint back to pew just in time to catch-up with the older children who are calmly proceeding to the communion rail.

Finally, after the closing prayer, sink to your knees and offer a "Hail Mary" that you completed all the events with God's grace!

Snow!

Well--John did take all 5 kiddies out. It's amazing how fast this place cleans-up and becomes an island of peace and contentment!

This morning we were blessed with a few inches of sticky, playable and throwable and packable snow. John especially loves playing in the snow with the children.

Remember weeekends before kids? As I reacall they were relaxing, clam, a time to lay around, get some extra sleep, and work on fun projects. . .now it's more like boot camp, with John and I compairing notes early in the morning, synchronizing our watches, and getting everyones activities and chores done. ACK!

Actually--it's not that bad--swimming lessons and banking and laundry are all I have on the list today.

T.G.I.F.

An uninspired couple of days. . .beginning with extreme insomnia early Thursday morning, progressing to a feverish fussy baby, not-too-motivated-to-be-educated older child, and other kids who refuse to be quiet and need-free while Momma sleeps and/or cares for fussy baby.

On the bright side, I have accomplished some things today:
Cleaned out the "stuff closet" (a drawer is not big enough for me!)
Educated children
Fed people
Jumped rope for 15 minutes
Ate 3/4 of a bag of Sweet Thai Chile Pepper Chips (I ate the first 1/4 yesterday).
Spent lots of time fantasizing about John taking all 5 kids out later today.

I'd be insisting on an evening hanging out at a girlfriends' house--maybe manufacture a "guys-night with kids" so one house would be empty of men for the women folk to hang-out and eat chocolate in. . .except that's a Maine thing. . not an Oregon thing. Sad sad Allison with no girlfriends a short drive away.