First event: Find the pacifier. From a kneeling position, while hoding a wiggling baby, twist and turn in all directions to locate the hidden sus.
Second event: Personal space limbo. Only mothers can compete. Try to maitain a sence of dignity and prayful participation in Mass while keeping five children from invading you space. Acceptable invasion techniques include, but are not limited to, pulling up Mom's sweater, pulling Mom's hair, playing with the baby in Mom's lap, pulling on Mom's skirt, trying to pick Mom's nose.
Third thrilling event and the pinicle of the day: Mass lap-relay. Stage 1:Dad takes fussy 3 year old to cry room. 2: Mom takes baby to cry room, tagging Dad , which allows him to return to the pew (which is at the very front in order to help other participants to more easily observe all of these events). Stage 3: Mom returns to pew with 2 children, hopeful that the family can say the "Our Father" and exchange peace together. 4: Mom leaves pew with baby, followed by Dad with 3 year old, only to realize half way to the cry room that it's time for communion, and they are first in line. Final sprint back to pew just in time to catch-up with the older children who are calmly proceeding to the communion rail.
Finally, after the closing prayer, sink to your knees and offer a "Hail Mary" that you completed all the events with God's grace!
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